You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize