My sheets look like a crime scene.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
