Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
