I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
