Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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