I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
