Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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