You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
jump out the window naked night went bad
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
