Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
