so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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