The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
