did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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