I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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