You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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