Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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