Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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