okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
