Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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