I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
