I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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