Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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