Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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