Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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