I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
