You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize