mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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