My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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