Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
