if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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