Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
