We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
These tits shall not be calmed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
