He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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