She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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