They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
