I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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