the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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