So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
