Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
