I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
