forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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