you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
