...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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