Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He passed out mid-signature
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
