You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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