She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
