Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
