i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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