Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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