Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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