I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
