I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
