Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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