i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
