HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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