it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
