First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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