Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
