All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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