i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
