I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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