my phone needs a breathalizer
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
