quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
