You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
