didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
