i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
