Need sex. Gaining weight.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
