I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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