I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
