Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
