also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
