new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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