This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can't turn off my feet"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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