I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
