I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
