Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was confusing and full of hummus
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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