Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
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