the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
