Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
