My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
