You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There r osticjed everywhere
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
