You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
