I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
