i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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