we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
