At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
