How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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