Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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