He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
