so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
