So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
