Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
