Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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