It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
