That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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