my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
