i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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