sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize