my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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