Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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