Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
