this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
