I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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