wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
