God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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