I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
