i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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