In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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