i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
